# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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