Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
