Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize