Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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