From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
