We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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