i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
