the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
