Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize