Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
