And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Holy sore nipples Batman
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
