My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
this hospital has no fireball
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
