My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
