She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
