new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
