i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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