i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
