your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she smelled like a LAN party
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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