If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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