my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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