the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
