I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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