Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
