Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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