There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
