Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
