I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize