She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can text with my tongue
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
