i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
