How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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