I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
