i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
