so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
