remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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