She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
