if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
