Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
