Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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