we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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