Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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