gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
