you would pick up someone in the library
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
