I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize