and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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