it hurts more in the daytime
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
