the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
