yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
