I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
