The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
