Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
