Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
