Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
