Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
