I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
