she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
