rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
