I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
