U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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