He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
