plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
