Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
